Unfortunately, I don't really have any updates to share in this post, partly because I really can't think of any real updates for this week (except for the fact that I think I've started having mild Braxton Hicks contractions), but mostly because even if there are updates, I'm too distracted by my excitement for tomorrow to think clearly.
Tomorrow is my ultrasound appointment. Tomorrow, at 11:30, I will finally get to see my precious baby again! Tomorrow, I will finally be able to call the baby by an actual name, instead of "it" (that is, as long as the baby cooperates and shows us his/her "stuff"). I'm so excited, I can hardly stand it! As excited as I am, though, I'm also really nervous.
When I was pregnant with Rylee, I was so naive to so many of the things that can be discovered during what seems like a perfectly "normal", healthy pregnancy. When I got my 20-week ultrasound done with Rylee, all I was concerned about was finding out if she was a boy or a girl. I didn't really realize that the technician was also going to be looking at her brain and all her organs and everything to make sure everything looked as it should. Thankfully, Rylee looked perfectly healthy, and she was/is. However, since she was born, I have followed the "stories" of three families (one that I know personally) whose worlds were turned upside down by a "simple" ultrasound that didn't look quite right. Their babies weren't healthy. I could go into details about each of their situations, but I don't think I have the energy for that tonight. I will say, however, that two of those precious babies (the ones whose families I don't personally know) are unfortunately no longer alive, and the third baby is now an 8-month-old living miracle (praise God!). Following their journeys has opened my eyes to all of the possibilities and "what if's" pregnancy carries with it. And so, I'm scared. I hate to say that, because I know none of those families would want me to feel that way going into a day that should be very exciting for me (and like I said, it is). But I can't help it. People who know me well know that I am a worrier by nature. I certainly don't want to be (and I don't worry near as badly/as much as I used to - honest!), but I like to say that I come by it honest. My grandma Parker was the biggest worry-wart. Anyway, now that I know what COULD happen, I just can't help but be a bit nervous. What if my baby doesn't look "normal"? What if something doesn't look quite right? I honestly don't know how I would handle that. Tomorrow, I'm expecting that ultrasound technician to look around for a bit and announce "It's a boy!" or "It's a girl!" and tell us the baby looks absolutely perfect. I'm just scared that, for whatever reason, that won't be the case. I know this is just Satan's way of trying to get an edge into my heart and crack my faith in God. Satan knows my weaknesses, and he knows how to use them to his advantage. He knows this is an exciting time for me, and he wants nothing more than to mess it up as much as he possibly can. I just have to remind myself that, no matter what, this baby is in God's hands. He/she was God's child before he/she was ever mine. This baby is already a miracle. I cannot let the enemy win. I cannot give him the satisfaction of making me worry myself sick over something that hasn't even happened. It's so silly how worked up we can get over the possibilities and "what if's" in life, huh? Anyway, I could continue rambling here, but basically what I'm trying to say is just that I'm praying all will look well with the baby. Boy or girl... it doesn't really matter. I just pray my baby is healthy.
I will be back tomorrow to post the exciting, much-anticipated gender announcement (can't wait!), but for now, here is my belly picture for today:
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