My Heart is Hurting...

As I mentioned in my last blog (and maybe in more than just the last blog... I can't remember), I feel like I'm in a a bit of a funk right now, as far as blogging goes. I have a desire to blog often, because I enjoy writing, but lately I feel like I just don't really have anything to blog about, other than my typical, every-day life (and I think that would probably get old even to me, after posting basically the same thing for a few days. Example: "This morning, I woke up and got Rylee up. I fed Rylee. I played with Rylee. I changed Rylee. I put Rylee down for a nap. I got Rylee up from a nap. I fed Rylee. I played with Rylee. I changed Rylee. I put Rylee down for another nap..." See what I mean?). The thing that frustrates me is that later on, when I look back on my day (even if it is one of my "typical, every-day life" days), I can always pick out things that I should've/could've blogged about. I have missed a lot of good blogging opportunities recently, because at the time, I just couldn't find the words I wanted to write about whatever the specific experience at hand was. (How is it that I always end up blogging about blogging?...)
ANYWAY, I originally intended to try to blog about some of the stuff I've been meaning to "catch up" on (Valentine's Day, random updated pictures of Rylee, etc.), but I feel that's almost pointless now. I've gotten so behind (in such a short amount of time) that I can't really remember what all I wanted to mention anyway. So I figure instead that I'll just write about where I'm at right now - today... what's going on in my life, and in the lives of some of the people around me. (Before I continue any further with this post, I feel I should warn you that it may turn out to be rather long (if you know me at all, this shouldn't surprise you), and it will more than likely be very sporadic, written almost in a stream of consciousness sort of way, because I've got a lot on my mind, and I'm finding it hard to keep my thoughts corralled. I'll do my best to make it flow as smoothly as possible, but bear with me. Okay... back to the post.)
The last few days (particularly since Sunday), I have been feeling rather emotional. There are many people around me who I love and care about who are going through trials right now, and I'm just hurting for them. My heart is really hurting. I won't mention everyone/everything, but I at least wanted to mention one or two families' situations so you can be praying for them.
For starters, Hollis (the precious baby boy who was born with CDH and a few heart defects who I've mentioned in a couple of my previous blogs here and here) had to go back to the hospital on Febuary 15 after being home less than a month because he was not gaining/could not gain/maintain any weight. Here's how his mom, Kelly, explained the situation on her Facebook: "here's the gist: hollis' lungs are underdeveloped and need extra o2 to work. the extra o2 makes his heart work too hard. his heart working too hard makes blood overload his lungs. the blood overloading his lungs makes them exhausted because of their size and inability to deal with so much blood. the lungs can't improve till the heart is fixed. the heart can't be fixed until he gains some weight. he can't gain any weight because his body is burning every calorie he takes in just to breathe and eat. vicious. vicious. cycle." 
That exhausts me just reading it. And there is a three-month-old baby boy LIVING it. Why? Some days I just can't help but to ask God "Why?" Now please don't get me wrong - I fully know and believe that God has a divine plan and purpose for everything He does and allows to happen. But some days, my "human-ness" gets the best of me, and I really struggle with why He allows certain things to happen... and to certain people. Why this family, God? Why Hollis? I tell you, I have been praying a lot for this family and for this baby boy, and during some of those prayers, I have just cried and cried and just BEGGED God to give this family a miracle. And if I'm having this hard of a time with it, what does that mean for Kelly? How does a mommy watch her helpless baby go through something like this? I am blessed to have a healthy 8-month-old little girl, and I simply cannot fathom what I would've done if I'd had to go through something like this with Rylee. I've prayed for God to simply heal Hollis and make it like none of this has happened. But then I realize that if none of this happened, this family would not be who they are today. God is growing them and teaching them and loving them through this entire experience. And He is growing and teaching and loving me and everyone else on this journey with Hollis and his family as well. Has Hollis been healed like so many of us have prayed for? Well... no. But does that mean that God doesn't answer prayer and can't perform miracles? And does that mean that I'm going to quit praying for a miracle for Hollis? No. God hears our prayers, and He has already answered them in many ways. He is performing miracles all around us every day. Every single day Hollis is alive is a miracle. And he is fighting for tomorrow, for another miracle, and we are fighting with him... 
Hollis's open-heart surgery to repair his heart defects was moved up from its original date of March 24 to this Thursday, March 3. PLEASE keep him and his family in your prayers as they prepare for this next step of their journey. Kelly (and Ryan): Remember that God has promised to NEVER give us more than we can handle. And you guys are "handling" this like pros. You are strong. Because He is strong. I know you know all of this. I just know it helps sometimes to be reminded/encouraged. You are loved and being prayed for more than you will ever know.
Before I end this post (which has already run away from me... I told you it would...), I wanted to mention one other family that I learned of on Sunday - James and Kellie Staats. I don't personally know this family, but a Facebook friend of mine posted a link to Kellie's blog and asked for prayers for them. I checked out the blog, and ended up having to dig out a box of Kleenex because I was crying so hard. This poor young woman and her husband just lost their beautiful 4-month-old baby girl, Maddie, on February 17. Her death was quite unexpected, as she was seemingly perfectly healthy. It is believed that she died from SIDS (she was napping at a babysitter's, and when the sitter went in to check on her, she was blue and not breathing), but they won't be sure for possibly several more months yet. Like I said, I don't know this family, but being a mommy myself (and of a little girl, no less), my heart literally broke as I read the anguish that this family has experienced the last couple of weeks. I simply cannot imagine experiencing that. Rylee is my life, and I don't know what I would do without her now. I admire this woman's courage in blogging through this experience to share it with others. I don't know that I could do it if I was her, but by reading her posts, I can tell that it's one of her ways of coping. So please keep this family in your prayers as well. You may not know them (or the first family I mentioned), but that doesn't mean you can't pray for them. 


"Grace and peace to you from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ. Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God." 2 Corinthians 1:2-4