A Love Letter of Sorts

My primary purpose for this blog is to document my life now as a wife and mommy of two kids. However, I also want to use this "space" to blog about different things from my past from time to time as I feel inspired. I would like to do posts about different childhood memories that are dear to my heart, how Jordan and I met, etc.
For now, I wanted to share this "love letter"/poem that I wrote about Jordan back on January 19, 2009 when we were still engaged. There were many times during our "courtship" and engagement (and even still today sometimes) where I would get very emotional just thinking about how much I loved Jordan and how thankful and blessed I felt to be the girl he was in love with and wanted to share his life with. I wrote this "piece" on one such evening. It's amazing to read over it today and see how far we've come in the short two-and-a-half years we've been married. God has truly blessed us, and I can't wait to see what He has in store for our future.

"Sometimes, When You're Not Watching, I Study You"


Sometimes, when you're not watching, I study you...

and I wonder what I'd do if I ever lost you.

Would I be able to close my eyes and still see your face?...

every freckle...

every line...

every whisker...

your eyes...

your smile...

I wonder, if I was quiet enough, would I still be able to hear your voice?...

to hear you whisper “I love you”...

to hear you laugh...

to hear you sing.

I wonder, if I was still enough, would I be able to feel your warm lips softly brush against mine, just like they did the first time you ever kissed me?

Would I still be able to feel your arms around me, holding me close?

I wonder if you would know how much you mean to me.

I wonder if you would know that I think about you every waking moment of every day.

I wonder if you would know how I count down the days until I can share your last name.

I wonder if you would know how badly I long to have a little boy someday who will look just like you.

I wonder if you would really know how much I love you.

I would wonder what things I could've done better...

Could I have tried harder?

Could I have made you happier?

Sometimes, when you're not watching, I study you...

and all these thoughts run through my head.

But then you turn to me...

and you smile.

And I know how much you love me...

and I don't wonder so much anymore.