How do you pick a "title" for a post like this?

How do you begin a post about your mom being diagnosed with breast cancer? Yeah... I couldn't think of a "good" way either.

Last week, my mom went to the doctor for a routine mammogram. She got a call that something had shown up irregular, and she needed to come back in for more testing. On Tuesday, she went back to the doctor, and upon further examination, they discovered that there was, in fact, something in her left breast. They did a biopsy, and she and my dad went back to the doctor again this afternoon to find out the results.

My mom has breast cancer.

I so badly want to delete that sentence. Maybe, if I delete it, it won't be true. Maybe this is all just a bad dream, and when I wake up in the morning, it won't be real. God, please help me wake up from this bad dream. Please don't let this be real. It's Christmas time. Cancer isn't supposed to happen at Christmas time. And I'm about to have a baby. My mom's first grandson. Cancer isn't supposed to happen when you're anxiously awaiting the arrival of a precious new member to your family. And my mom's already had cancer before. Twice, actually. Non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma and Thyroid cancer. Cancer isn't supposed to happen to someone who's already fought it TWICE. But that's the thing about cancer. It doesn't care about any of that stuff.

I don't want to do this. Can you believe that? My mom has cancer, and I'm concerned with how it's going to affect ME. How selfish is that? I don't want to feel this way. I don't want my mom to have to go through this. Again. But I don't want to have to go through this with her, either. I'm not saying I don't want to support her. That's not the case at all. I just don't know how to do this. I want to be strong for my mom. She is so strong. Why can't I be that strong? I wish I could do it for her. I don't know if I'm strong enough to watch my mom fight cancer, but maybe I could be strong enough to fight it myself.

That is how I'm feeling. It's ugly. But it is true. However, I know there is another side to all of this. When I woke up this morning, I knew my mom would be getting the results from her biopsy. I tried to tell myself all day that they would be good. But I think deep down, I knew they wouldn't be. (I'll never understand that. I mean, it's not like I wanted the results to be bad.) Even still, though, I felt so at peace today. And I know why. It's because people were praying for us. The prayers might not have been answered the way we hoped they would, but that doesn't really matter. The fact that brothers and sisters in Christ were lifting my mom and my family up to the Lord in prayer was all we wanted. All we needed. We didn't want to get a diagnosis today, but we did. We might not understand why, but we don't have to either. We know that, no matter what happens, God will use this situation to draw us closer to Him. I have already shed many tears, and I know I will shed many more. But I also know that God holds every tear I cry in the palm of His hand, and I will do my best to praise Him in this "storm". May He be glorified.


Here are a few Bible verses that have encouraged and comforted me the past few days:


Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. (Philippians 4:6)

For where two or three come together in my name, there am I with them. (Matthew 18:20)

Is any one of you in trouble? He should pray. Is anyone happy? Let him sing songs of praise. Is any one of you sick? He should call the elders of the church to pray over him and anoint him with oil in the name of the Lord. And the prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well; the Lord will raise him up. If he has sinned, he will be forgiven. Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective. (James 5:13-16)

Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. (Matthew 6:34) 

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." (Jeremiah 29:11)

Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. (James 1:2-3)

But He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. (2 Corinthians 12:9-10)

When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought joy to my soul. (Psalms 94:19)

"But I will restore you to health and heal your wounds," declares the Lord. (Jeremiah 30:17)