I will say, though, that as excited as I am for Ryan to be here, the reality of everything is slowly starting to sink in, and I've had a few days/nights where I've felt very overwhelmed and ended up having a good cry. It's just hard for me to picture how I'm going to juggle two children - a very active, attention-demanding toddler and a newborn baby - by myself all day long. Rylee is in the stage right now where she's wanting to climb all over us like we're her own personal jungle gyms, and there have been many times during this pregnancy where she's hurt me because she's pushed on my belly (and it always seems to be right in the middle of a Braxton Hicks contraction, which makes it ten times worse). Of course I know she's not meaning to hurt me... she's just wanting to play. It just scares me, because I picture what it'll be like when the baby is hungry and I'm trying to nurse him, and Rylee comes up and tries to climb on me, and she ends up accidentally hurting the baby. I struggle emotionally, because I know my special time with Rylee (as in, her being my only child and having my full attention) is quickly coming to an end. It makes me sad to think about her crying because she's wanting me to play with her, but I'm needing to tend to the baby for something. I know Rylee is still too young to understand what will be going on, and it just breaks my heart. I don't want her to think that Mommy is neglecting her. I know in time she will adjust, and we'll have a new "normal", but it's that time until she adjusts that I'm worried about. I know it might be silly for me to be concerned about all of this, because I don't actually know what it'll be like until we actually start living it. I just can't help but be concerned about it, because all of these thoughts and "What if's" are constantly running through my mind. It doesn't help that people always feel the need to tell me that I'm "really going to have my hands full". Um... I know this. Thanks for the encouragement. Don't get me wrong - I am very thankful to be able to stay home and take care of my babies, but it can be a very exhausting "job" just with one. How am I going to do it with two? I know I can contribute much of feeling like this to my crazy pregnancy hormones, and I also know that Satan is trying to discourage me and make me doubt my ability to "fulfill" God's calling on my life as a mom. I know God will be with me every day, and He won't give me more than I can handle. He will give me the strength to do what I need to do to take care of the precious gifts He has blessed me with. I just have to take it one day at a time, and I will learn. I will adjust, and before I know it, I won't remember what it was like to just have one child. I guess I'm just saying all of this in a round-about way of asking for prayers from anyone who may be reading this. Please pray that the Lord would continue to be with me through the remainder of my pregnancy that Ryan would grow big (but hopefully not TOO big...) and healthy and be ready for his arrival into this world. And pray that the Lord would prepare me for this next chapter in my life... as a mommy of TWO. Pray that I will trust Him and rely on Him for all my needs, and that I will find joy in each day and try to appreciate every second with my babies, even when I feel like I want to give up (because I know I will have those moments). I am SO excited about this next chapter in my life... but I am also very scared. Pray that God will give me peace and confidence. I know I can do all things through Him Who gives me strength (Phil. 4:13).
Anyway, I guess I'll stop rambling now. In closing, though, here's the belly picture my sweet hubby took of me last night:
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