I'm In Denial...

Today is the 15th. Of December. That means that my baby girl is now six months old. SIX MONTHS! As in, HALF A YEAR! Can someone please tell me how this happened?! Where have I been the past 183 days? I JUST gave birth to her yesterday... didn't I? This is just so crazy. I'm not ready for this yet. I don't want to be, anyway. Time is going by way way WAY too fast, and it's just not fair. (Yeah, I know... "Life isn't fair." Blah, blah, blah.)
Every time I look back through all the pictures we've taken of her so far, I feel sad. Sometimes I literally cry. It's funny how Jordan and I differ in our feelings on this. The older Rylee gets, the more excited he gets (for now at least), because she's able to interact with us more. He wants to be able to play with her and all that fun stuff. And although I enjoy the smiles and laughs and squeals that we get from her now, I still can't help but feel sad about the fact that she's not the newborn baby we brought home from the hospital... do I have to say it again?... SIX months ago. That baby did nothing but eat and sleep and fill up diapers all day long. I could hold that baby in my arms for hours, and she wouldn't squirm or fuss. She was comfortable and content cradled in my arms. That's where she wanted to be.
The baby we have now doesn't like to be cradled in my arms. Now, don't get me wrong - she still loves to be held (she's a momma's girl... for now, anyway...) - but she wants to be held up and usually facing out so she can see what's going on around her. She won't let Mommy cradle and snuggle her anymore (unless I'm breastfeeding her, but that's different). I miss my snuggles with her. Those were such precious bonding moments between us that I will cherish forever.
The baby we have now gives us kisses. And although it melts my heart every time I get one of those big, sloppy, wet kisses from her, I can't help but think that one day she'll be wanting to give those kisses to a boy (although hopefully a little less sloppy).
What am I going to do when she starts talking and walking? What am I going to do when she starts school? What am I going to do when she becomes a teenager and starts driving? What am I going to do when she graduates? What am I going to do when she falls in love?
I went to a friend's wedding this past Saturday, and I cried. Although it's not all that unusual for me to cry at a wedding (I'm a pretty emotional person), this time it was a little different. It was the first wedding I've been to since becoming a mom. And although I was partially crying happy tears for my friend, I was also realizing that someday - hopefully not for at least 20 or 30... or maybe even 40 (if we're lucky, right?) years - that beautiful bride is going to be MY daughter. I'm not ready to watch my husband walk our baby girl down the aisle and give her away to some guy. I don't think I'm going to be ok with that. And if time continues to fly by as quickly as it has so far, that day is going to be here before I know it. That's just not cool. I want more time. I NEED more time.
Now, some of you are probably reading this and thinking "Seriously? She's only 6 months old, and you're already thinking about all of that? Chill out." But I'd be willing to bet those of you who feel/think that way don't have kids of your own. If you're a mommy (or a daddy), you get it. And now I do too.

my sweet 6-month-old